There are many differences in the way that men and women communicate non-verbally. Many differences come through in the tone of voice and touch. Men and women both share many of the same facial expressions, though the way in which we use them can be very different.
I will begin by first exploring how men and women use the tone of their voice to communicate, pointing out a key difference. When a man and a woman have a discussion, there are times when a male will subconsciously change the pitch of his voice in order to seem more masculine. This is especially true of men who are seeking mates, the deeper voice in this case being to attract the opposite sex. Females on the other hand lower their voice. They speak in softer tones once again to seem more attractive to the opposite gender. This is not only true when they are seeking mates, but in general. When females are actively listening, they tend to use softer tones and speak in a softer manner then men. It is not only because their voices are softer but that the softer voice tells the speaker that they are listening.
Now that we have discussed how men tend to speak in deeper, resonant tones, and woman speak in higher, softer tones, we can now discuss how men and women use touch when they talk. Men have a very difficult time touching other males. It’s just a fact. I am not saying that there are not some males who are not open to touching others, but that men in general seem to keep physical contact with each other to a minimum. I find that females are much more open when it comes to other females touching them. For instance, how often do you see two unrelated males hugging each other? My guess is not very often, but actually very rarely. On the other hand, how often do you see two women hug each other? I think it is much more common. Take for instance southern males, who would probably rather be caught dead then hug another male, and this even goes for fathers and sons.
Suffice it to say, this does not mean we are discussing different languages. It’s just that men and women use different means of conveying the same nonverbal messages. While men might lower their voice and extend the length of what they say in astonishment “Noooo Waaay” a female might say in a higher tone and faster “No Way!” The tones help express their astonishment, excitement, or surprise, men and woman just use different tones. We grow up with it, and we learn how to decipher these codes by inspecting discussions from the time we are born until now.
It is very important to note that we do learn these differences as we grow. Our parents and friends as we go through life will be the educational basis of learning these different habits by different genders. We learn our nonverbal speech from the ones who are closest to us. We learn their patterns and tone, emulating it as we grow older, discarding those which we dislike and fully integrating others into our speech. We all learn differing nonverbal habits, but we are not speaking different languages.
I think it’s great that you focused on how men and women relate when trying to attract one another. When my husband was alive and I caught a guy staring at me I just figured there was something stuck in my teeth. Now that I’m single again I have to wonder if there’s something stuck in my teeth or if he likes me. So my thought is, “Should I smile at him? And what if there really is just something stuck in my teeth? I better not smile.” I’m very friendly, but when it comes to picking up cues from the opposite sex I’m clueless. When I visited my son in Japan we were eating at a McDonalds and having a conversation. Another man, an American sitting nearby, chimed in and joined the conversation. That wasn’t a problem, but the next thing I knew he was writing down his phone number and offering me assistance if I ran into any problems. It confused me because I was sitting right next to my grown son who was perfectly capable of managing a situation. After the guy left I looked at my son and asked, “Was that guy hitting on me?” He said the man didn’t set off his “creepy meter” and asked his girlfriend. She nodded emphatically yes and we all laughed. I wasn’t laughing at the friendly man. I was laughing because I had no clue why the guy was giving me his phone number. Now my son teases me about it. He knows it embarrasses me and gets a kick out of it.
ReplyDeleteI agree we both tend to change our tone in voice when around to opposite sex when trying to attract them. If I am honest when I am with a male who makes me nervous I become loud. I find it to be my defense mechanism. I do not want him to know that he makes me nervous so I become louder and seem more confident when I talk so he will not be able to realize that he makes me nervous or that he even affects me. I agree to an extent with the touching. I find that when females talk that at times they will place their hand on the person they are talking to or maybe side bump them. Males are more arm crossed conversation people. Not to say that all guys are like that I have plenty of male friends who will put their hand on mine when talking to me. I agree males and females speak the same language but our body language and mannerisms of our nonverbal behavior are different. I tend to lean more towards the idea that your nonverbal behavior is not just based on your sex but on you own different personality.
ReplyDelete